Playing the cards you're dealt
how a family card game taught me to go where there is flow
I turn 31 years old this month and I was going to write a post about my bucket list, but then I was on a flight headed for JFK from Palm Springs playing Rummy with my boyfriend and instead decided I wanted to write about playing card games.
Okay, let me back up. Like wayyyy up. My family is a Rummy family. If that doesn’t mean anything to you, you likely don’t come from a Rummy family, which I do feel badly for you about; however, consider this my formal invitation should you like to learn how to play or should you ever want to join me and mine.
The first time I played the game I was probably 5 years old. My Grandma Lena taught me. We’d sit in her living room hunched over our hands for hours, the bronze angel lamp sitting on the table next to us, watching over the game. When I’d win, Gram would shout, “Jazbo, you better not be cheating, again!”
For the record, I don’t cheat, but I am pretty damn good at the game which is why some may think I am making my own rules. Either that, or they are just jealous of my high score ;)
To this day, Rummy is one of the main ways my parents and I spend quality time. My mom talks a lot of shit while we play and never wants to give up face cards. My dad holds all his cards until he’s ready to go out, often catching us all off guard. My mom yells at him for holding out on us. I always keep score and if I’m winning I don’t shut up about it.
Can you tell I’m a tad competitive?
For those of you who don’t play cards, “face cards” are the royals (J, Q, K, A) and they receive the most points.
There’s probably a thousand different ways to play Rummy and I’d bet that most people you play with have their own unique set of rules. In my family, we don’t allow anyone to play three-of-a-kind (5 ❤️ , 5 ♦️ , 5 ♠️ ) because it ruins basically any straight (5 ❤️ , 6 ❤️ , 7 ❤️) in either direction and we’ll harass any newcomer who doesn’t follow along. So if you do decide to play with us, take note!
Given that knowing how to play Rummy is a prerequisite to be in my family, when I started dating Wayne a couple years ago, I taught him the game. In case things progressed, I wanted him to be ready. He got it but he didn’t love it. We’d play here and there, but we often opted to play Spit—a childhood favorite of his, similar to Speed, or we’d grab the dominos. All of these are fine stand-ins for me, to be honest. As long as there is a game to be played, I’m sitting forward in my chair.
During this recent trip to CA, Wayne was re-introduced to Rummy and got a crash course of sorts, because the second we had a spare minute, my dad or mom would look over and ask with a dumb grin, “Rummy?”
By the end of our trip, Wayne had bought a double-pack of cards and was in 2nd or 3rd place on the running scoreboard we’d kept on a scrap of paper — not bad for a newbie! The whole 5 hour plane ride back he insisted that we play, “How do you expect me to get better if we don’t train?” We weren’t even off the ground before he dealt the cards onto our extended tray tables.
During our 4th or 5th game, I was dealt as attractive Spade (I think it was a Jack) which motivated me to start collecting more Spades. It occurred to me, I don’t play Spades much. For whatever reason I tend to collect the other suits more frequently, I guess because I like them more.
But given my Jack, I started keeping my eye out for the next Spade. The straight in my hand grew. I was racking up points and I felt this pang of excitement that things had worked out. The old adage popped into my head: play the cards you are dealt.
I’d never really thought about the well-worn saying before that moment and never used it in conversation, but I could feel something synthesizing in that moment during that game. I hadn’t thought ahead or done anything special. I hadn’t sought out any particular cards. I simply waited to see what would come my way, and when it did I said, okay, that’s the direction we’ll head.
There’s something so simple about it. It reminds me a bit of why it’s helpful to have a prompt when writing or trying to create anything. A blank canvas can be so intimidating. Nowadays, we have more options than we could ever dream of. If someone asked me to manifest my perfect hand in Rummy, I’d overthink it.
Plus it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun as seeing what I could make out of what I’d been dealt. I enjoy seeing what choices I can make to improve my hand — what cards to get rid of and how to read the people I am playing with. It’s also way more easeful — and enjoyable — to accept and go with what you are presented then to spend the whole game holding out for that Ace of Hearts.
The real challenge is to remember this bit of wisdom outside the card game. How can I spin moments of frustration or struggle to play the hand I’ve been dealt?
I can’t sleep —> but I can get up and stretch. I may be tired, but it will feel nice to move before my day starts and I never usually am up early enough to do that.
I haven’t gotten paid in a few weeks —> but the push to be more conscious has inspired my partner and I to cook more at home this week and we discovered some new recipes together.
It’s raining and I was really looking forward to a walk today —> Looks like now I get time to catch up with that book I’ve been itching to start.
I think often we are reaching towards an ideal, especially in culture that prioritizes convenience and comfort. What opens up when we stop reaching for the ideal and get creative about the different paths we can take towards a great hand. A little reframe, goes a long way.
Reflection
Do you struggle with “playing the cards you are dealt”? What’s one thing it would feel really good to loosen your grip on?
Is there a card you’ve been dealt recently or that you get dealt on a regular-ish basis that it would be helpful to reframe your thinking around. How could you play that card differently?
Alright, I am going to try and take a nap. The sleepless night example is a real-life example from last night and I have a long day ahead. Thanks for reading, as always.
With love & in practice,
Jasmine
P.S. If you are in NY, join me for an upcoming DIY pop-up. On the 21st of this month, I’m hosting a make your own decorative lampshade workshop. There will be fabric, there will be paint, there will be fringe, there will be wine. You can expect a raucous night of crafting with your new bffs (me and my co-host, Dylan!). Not in NY? Send to a friend who you think would enjoy :)
