sometimes, we just need to do the dishes
how orienting around the day-to-day might be the thing to lead us to more wholeness
Have you ever asked a freelancer how it’s going and had them say back to you, “You know how it is: feast or famine.” If you haven’t, I’m impressed because I feel like this is part of the freelancer script at all cocktail parties.
If you are unfamiliar, it essentially means that there tends to be an ebb and flow in work (and money) when you are working for yourself that comes all at once (feast) or not at all (famine).
I’ve been freelancing for 7 months and while I have experienced ups and downs, the whole thing feels more like a continuous liminal space.
There are moments of speed, clarity, and invoices, and moments that are more quiet, but most days, my attention is with the fact that I have more space.
Space is precisely the thing that I wanted more of when I quit my 9-5, and of course, now that I have it, I find some days it’s really hard to be with. Isn’t that a funny little conundrum?
My friend Michaële published a newsletter a few days ago where she shared the question, “Am I satisfiable?” I shuddered for feeling so exposed.
I am someone who has always intrinsically craved more. I am a seeker. I am curious about what else I can do, see, feel, BE. Sometimes, this desire feels like proof of my vitality—I am literally bursting at the seams at the thought of all the possibilities. Other times it feels like an inability to be content. Why can’t I just appreciate where I am, what I have, and who I am in this moment?
And then there are other, other times where I feel myself crumbling under the heavy weight of all the things I’ll never be able to do, see, experience…aka I get major FOMO.
In a state of blehhhh the other day, I decided the next best thing I could do to get over myself and my midmorning crisis was to do the dishes. That is never a bad thing to do, btw. Sweeping the floor is also never regrettable.
Because my brain was racing and doing more mental gymnastics than usual, I decided to put on a podcast. My friend Grace recently recommended, The Grey Area with Sean Illing. Could there be a more astute suggestion for a person riding the liminal waves?
As I scrolled through the episode library, one popped out.
As I listened, I realized very quickly, I probably would have enjoyed studying philosophy in school since asking questions and ruminating is very….me. Good thing it’s never too late to learn things. On the other hand, I may have been totally frustrated by the lack of certainty that philosophy offers. It’s like a black hole of questions leading to more questions. And then my brain is like, okay, but what do we DO about it?
Scrubbing a skillet, caked in that morning’s scrambled eggs, a warm blanket of I’m not the only one, wrapped around me as the guest, Kieran Setiya, talked about having “made it,” professionally — like really a person who’s done all the things: teaching, speaking, multiple books, articles, interviews — and still having that pang of insatiability, that he described as a hollowness.
He was perturbed that he could be doing this thing he had loved since his teenage years (Philosophy), but still feel an emptiness as he jumped from accomplishment to accomplishment.
He brought to the conversation the ancient Greek term, Teleos, meaning an end, fulfillment, completion, goal or aim.
As he attempted to solve what he felt like was a philosophical problem — his midlife crisis — he decided to look at his life in terms of telic (achievement-based) and atelic (non achievement-based) activities.
Get the A’s. Get into college. Get the degree. Get that job. Get the partner. Get the promotion. Publish the book. etc. etc. etc. We know this. We ALL know this. These are telic activities. The problem, he shares, is that when you live like this, the accomplishment never actually fills the hole. It just makes you hungry for the next.
I remember reading something like that in Bird By Bird, Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. She wrote to the affect of: stop focussing on publishing a book, and having that be your end all be all, because I guarantee it’s not going to satisfy the itch. That’s grossly paraphrased, but it’s the gist. Anne’s quote was also probably much more funny because she is a riot. I highly recommend that book, even if you don’t consider yourself a Writer.
This doesn’t mean we throw the capital g - GOALS out the window, it simply offers a perspective that those goals aren’t the end all be all. Those goals aren’t going to fill the hole and that a greater sense of fulfillment happens when we focus on atelic activities in our lives, aka, enjoying the everyday.
Reading, walking, cooking a meal, writing for the sake of writing, thinking for the sake of thinking, raising a child, taking care of your cat. These are things we don’t really get to check off a list, or as Kieran perceptively sums it up:
“As if you could complete the project of hanging out with your friends.”
I’ll leave you with one more nugget Kieran shared that actually flipped my feelings around my own insatiability on it’s head. Speaking about FOMO, or the fear of missing out, he said:
“The only way you could avoid that kind of missing out is if the world was suddenly totally impoverished of variety. Or you were so monomaniacal, you just didn’t care about anything but money, for instance. And you don’t really want that. There’s a way in which the sense that there’s so much in the world we’ll never be able to experience is a manifestation of something we really shouldn’t regret, and in fact should cherish, namely the evaluative richness of the world, the diversity of good things. And there’s a consolation in that.”
If there was nothing else to be yearned for, by god, we’d be living in a very dull world.
And so for today, at least, I am soaking in the fact that I’m incredibly fortunate to live in a time where so much is possible — and how alive that possibility makes me feel — while simultaneously leaning into the ways that this sweet life, is in fact, enough when I am here, present with what’s happening today, right now, this very instant.
I will leave you there folks as there are more dishes to be washed, which my yoga teacher, Banyan, shared is a primt opportunity for meditation in itself. Perhaps today I’ll wash them without listening to a podcast.
With love and in practice,
Jasmine
Side note re: support in my slow season
—> I am looking for more clients, specifically folks who need a riffing partner for a project or idea. You might be an entrepreneur, freelancer, small business owner, or artist who needs a second set of eyes and ears. Think business consultant meets accountability coach. I help folks zoom out to see the road blocks, then zoom in and make a tangible action plan. **If you don’t need this kind of support, but you know someone who might, send them my way and I’ll send you a 10% referral fee)**
Types of projects
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Big love & deep gratitude! ♥️